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| It has been awhile since I wrote something here. So much has happen in my life since then. I feel like different person yet the same. I don't know how to exactly explain it. Some things just changed. I admit nothing is perfect. It is only perfect only in the eyes of the beholder. I can try every type of method or ideas yet the results are the same. This thing is become like my past. To be just another disappointment... another burden... Not what I want. To undo such thing... I feel a step further into something that I do not what. It appears like any option is a path I do not want. I know exactly what I want and exactly how I feel. Yet this other side is pulling me into the shadows. Not regret. But maybe ... Sigh.. complex. Well, I been watching this anime. It's creepy in a life learning way. It challenge your physiological behavior in a sense. I don't know if that the right way to put it. I learned somethings I wish I could share with some certain ones. Like the ripple effect in a way, we are all link some how. It just all depends on the type of person we are to see how far the effect ripples. Stick and stones are not the only one that hurts us, but more like words. Words are given life when spoken or written... they effect us just like one's action. There are such senario's as using words or action to manipulate other's actions. Some manipulation maybe seen as harmless or normal, but anyway you look at it manipulation is as it is. Such words or action may limited one's potential ability... becoming a burden. A burden... you would usually see it the hero wants to limited it to his or herself only. This probably sounds so cliche. Not only the hero endures the pain.. but also anyone that has any link to the hero. It is not something that is experience in movies or stories. This is what exactly in life. We may hide the truth to protect, but really the truth shines through the darkness that we try to hide it in. One's can feel the disturbance or imbalace in another. But since limited knowledge of the hidden truth, those people that surround you can only ponder and worry. Some protection, right? I just sounded like a rambled on about something. Maybe I did, but I did say I didn't know how to put it in words. But yes, my thoughts are foggy. It been like this for awhile now. We get to chose our own ending right? I wish I can say I truly feel, but something hold me back. Fear of the outcome. What need to be said.. and what doesn't... The lines that split the two are not clear. That's why I have not made any action. What ever to be said result the outcome. For better or worse... I thinks it is eating me up. My thoughts... I wanna say it.. and it be understood. Many times, I've spoken and be misunderstood. Everything in this world come to human so offensively... Will you notice if I stop talking or speaking how I feel.. or anything?  Until next time~!
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| Just another person in this world.
Living a day by day life. Coming into this world started writing a
book.... with the stories of my life.... As
my life is written on the blank pages. The tradgey began. Chapter by
chapter, it a different senario. But the same mistakes and same ending
each time. Like a never ending cycles.... Doesn't it get old... seeinag
the same heartache, the same dumb mistakes....as I never learn.... Reading
back on the old chapters... I been trying to figure out what I want. I
know I don't want to play the same role again.... Forget that helpless
girl... Forget the dreams of a knight in shining armor... Forget the
twisted plot....Forget the sad ending.... Forget all the old lines... Pick
up the pen and... write about a courageous girl... make something of
herself.... find her own happy end.. It's not a fairy tale story. It
something I can't go back and change. But only I can look forward and
pray for the best.... and make the best choice there is. Until next time~! | | |
| Before time, god made a great plan. Each of us with our own destiny. He gave each of us a gift. He gave us a.....
He said "handle with care."
I
held my heart in came into this world. Forgetfully... I hand my heart
out to the world... It was kick around. Passed on to the next person,
it was beaten to be left bloody and bruised. Grab by the next person...
to only be dropped on the floor... Picked up by another, it was gripped
too tightly... Won by another... to be used as a target practice. An
arrow shot through... now it's all shattered.
Now,
I am with a shattered heart. Where did I go wrong? I am trying to
picked up the pieces, but with each pieces that I try to pick up... my
hands get cut. Blood starts to drip down. How could I let this happen
to myself?
I've forgotten his words... blinded from his
light.. I can't hear his voice... The crowd is just too loud.... I need
to find him... so he can teach me how to mend my heart...put the pieces
together...
I'm missing all the signs................. Some times.. I forget... He's right there....
maybe
Until next time~! | | |
| Bleh. I haven't been lazy on my blogs. I just been DC. Which sucks hardcore. I don't know where to start. A lot has been happening lately.
Well for my birthday, I babysit all day. Then went to school and took a lame test. I got two hamster for my birthday. Yay. Two girls. Name them... Thao and Vi. Lol. Only because one is big than the other. Then on saturday, we went out for dinner. The group, but some people were missing. Darn...
All last week, no wowing. I was so bored. I need to WoW. Some person keep DCing me. Very annoying. If that person has a problem with me, they need to say it. I can't read minds. Or else... They just need to shove up their arse.
Yeah, they made get rid of my hamster. Yeah right! Their lame excuse was... the hamster smells and gives them headaches. My ass. The hamsters are in my room and you can only smell them if you are standing directly over the tank. Lies. Lies. Everyone just have problem with me. Well, fuck them. I still have them hamster.
Yes, yes. They can go ahead and tell my mom everything. I don't really care. My mom basically push me out of her house. I'm just her burden. After what happen in December, she lost me only because she decide that I was the cause of all her troubles and it was all my fault. Don't expect me to listen to her as much as I use to.
A part of me want to say I hate the world. I sound childish I know. So I am gonna say it. I hate the world. They can go fuck off. They expect me to be adult-like, but they treat me like I'm 15. Oh well. That's probably why I'll never grow-up. I sound a little bitchy? Yes, yes. I do, but does it matter at this point? At this moment, I just want them to regret deeply in hell for being the way they are towards me.
 Until next time~!
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| 6.19.07
6.29.07
Two dates to remember. Well, one date for you guys to remember. 6.29.07 Don't forget it either. My birthday. I will be sad if you guys forget it.  The other date is for me to remember. Want to know why? Too bad. You just have to guess.
Yes, I still spend most of my days playing WoW. Yesterday, I was doing some hardcore WoWing just to level up for my mount. But what the hell you know what I am talking...
Sometimes when you think about the past, you notice how things change. You notice they change pretty fast, but why... You start to wonder how it all happen and wonder how it changed to fast. Then... You think about what could have been... or even happen. The hopes you once had was all gone. Sometimes you wished you could have those hopes again. It's like a piece of you is still stuck in the past trying to hold on to what is not there anymore. Even today, you chose to move on. But how do you let that part of you go... for the better?
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It was forbidden, but I couldn't help it. I know what they all said. I knew what they thought. They all told me what would have happened. But it didn't seems to happen that way, it was more of a peaceful ending. I don't think any of the things I did was foolish. I was taking a chance. No, I won't hate you nor forget. I learned a few things. It made me a little better. Just simply smile at what ever it was. Next time we meet, you can see me smile. In the end... No regrets.
Until next time~! | | |
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